3 more days to go (if you count the rest of today) and the mona lisa smile.

so i'm almost there. there's no 'so' about it actually, i'm almost there. my room is almost all packed up. everytime i pack a box i get closer to this all being over. but with each box i pack i get more and more angry. angry's not really the right word... its maybe a tad too strong; but annoyed is too weak. mnmnmnmmmmm.... i know!! how about pissed off!! yeah. that's about right. with every box i pack i get a little more pissed off. pissed off that i'm packing AGAIN, pissed off that i was put in the situation to BE packing AGAIN, and pissed off on behalf of my poor, poor books who are being constantly shoved (fyi: i would never shove a book) SHOVED into boxes instead of being displayed longingly on the shelf as they should be. i'll have to have some inaugural ceremony when i unpack them so i can begin to redeam myself in their eyes. cause thats a LOT of eyes peering out at me from within all those pages. there will be more than one inaugural ceremony let me tell you.


moving on.



the folks that run the little cafe in the bottom of my building (Micha and Luda) had their ceremony to become Canadian citizins yesterday. i know this cause they were closed at 12:45pm so i coulden't get my sandwich. I went hungry just so THEY could like become citizens or like something???!!!! hahahahhaa. JUST KIDDING. so, this morning when i was buying my coffee i congratulated them. and as i got into the elevator i started thinking.... "what am i congratulating THEM for"?? is "congratulations!" really the right thing to say??... shoulden't i be saying Thank You?? Thank you for coming here. cause really... if Canada had more folks like them... this would be a MUCH better country.
maybe i'll get them a thank you card or something.



oh. and the Mona Lisa had just given birth. THAT'S why she's smiling. she's all hopped up on morphine and demeral and shit.

i'd be smilin' too.



wednesday.

DOWN TO SINGLE DIGITS BABY!!!!!!!!






9 Day's to go...

10 more days to go...

.

I should have done this days ago...

but i'll do it now. sending all my love, light and healing thoughts to those in Montreal. to Anastasia's family. as well as to the family of Kimveer Gill.






Much Love.




R.I.P

almost exactly half way there...

so last night i went to this meet and greet thingy at a coffee shop on 'the drive'... cause part of the reason that i wanted to live in that neighbourhood was to involve myself a tad more with the queers that live on that side of town. so i'm trying to do that as much as possible before i vacate the area. so i go; knowing that i'm probably only going to know and *know* not really in the true sense of the word... this is like the third gathering that i've gone to since living in the neighbourhood... and you know i do give kudos/props/whatever to the folks that organize these events but i don't know if i've just become more sensitive over the years or what?? but i always leave ending up feeling judged and frankly a little pissed off. i feel as though there is a serious lack of genuine energy at these events. i want to clarify what the word genuine means to me. it means that you possess the alleged attribute that you put forth into the world. the energy that you give out is what you take in. ok. now. obviously this is not with everyone AT ALL (i have connected with a few folks that i feel have been genuine) and i have thought about this on other levels as well... for example: i've asked myself the following types of questions "how am i coming off?" "am i being hostile or stubborn or pushing forth an undesirable energy?" i don't think so?? but i do know that when i feel nervous or uncomfortable my defense mechanisims that have become really close friends of mine will sometimes kick in. please keep in mind that i'm attending these gatherings with no intent of picking up or getting laid... only to meet new people and make new connections. not being a real fan of the bar/club scene i thought these gatherings would be a good idea. was i wrong?? anyways.... i wasn't planning on going onandonandon about this the point of this diatribe was to tell y'all what happened at the end of the gathering. at home (before i left) my roomates said that they were planning on going for a walk later and did i want them to come by the coffee shop and we could walk home together... and then we started talking about how it would be funny if they arrived and did something silly like collar me or something... and state boldly that the three of us had a 'date'. i totally didn't think they would do it.

they did it.

in full PVC gear. with a collar and a leash. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahhahahaaaa... i saw them coming down the street and my eyes popped out of my fucking head. they walked into the coffee shop threw the collar and leash around my neck and marched me outta there!!! hahahahahahahahhahaahahaaaa.. it was fuckin' hilarious!!



so much for peppermint tea.




15 days left.




thursday.

18 more days...

well. well. well.

i've been a tad M.I.A. lately. in the shitter a litter bit. murky water's are clearing. thanks to those that have checked in. GUARANTEED coming up i'll be sure to have some mighty fine angry/angsty/abominable words to share... but for now i'll let ani do what i cannot...




"so that's how you found me
rain falling around me
lookin' down at a worm
with a long way to go
and the traffic was hissing by
and i was homesick and i was high

i was surrounded by a language
in which i could say only hello
and thank you very much
and you spoke so that i could understand
and i drew a treasure map on your hand

and you were no picnic
and you were no prize
but you had just enough pathos
to keep me hypnotized
hypnotized

the map led to an island
in a sea of store-bought dreams
where soulless singers sang
over beats built by machines

and lovely girls were hovering
above my head like gulls
and their long slender necks
and their delicate skulls

and i was no picnic
i was no prize
but i had just enough sweetness
to keep you hypnotized
hypnotized

so that's how you found me
rain fallin' around me
lookin' down at a worm
with a long way to go"

~Ani D.







23 more days.