This is what I dreamt...

What if we are put on this earth to change a specific moment in time. To reverse an irreversible action. We are on a bus and it is 15 years ago, my brother is not yet six feet tall and I am skinny. His comprehension is of now; the only thing that need change is his movement from point A to point B. We know why we are here. To stop the playback of time. I knew it intuitively the moment I stepped on the bus. We use our voices and our movement, we observe. We see. I reach over and grab the mans hand and remove it to its proper place and time. He knows what he has done. He dives out the window of the moving bus and we shelter our faces from the glass. We all remember the headlines from 15 years ago. We know what happened to the boy. Will this change anything?

What if we are put on this earth to change a specific moment in time? To reverse an irreversible action. To change something that is unchangeable.

I say we are.

I say we can.

a little bit of ani d...

thirty-three years go by
and not once do you come home
to find a man sitting in your bedroom
that is
a man you do not know
who came a long way to deliver one very specific message;
lock your back door, you idiot
however invincible you imagine yourself to be
you are wrong


thirty-three years go by
and you loosen the momentum of teenage nightmares
your breasts hang like a woman's
and you don't jump at shadows anymore
instead you may simply pause to admire
those that move with the grace of trees
dancing past streetlights
and you walk through your house without turning on lamps
sure of the angle from door to table
from table to staircase
sure of the number of steps
seven to the landing
two to turn right
then seven more


all of this and maybe
the swish of the soft leather of your intruder's coat
as you walk him step be step back to the door
having talked him down off the ledge of a very bad idea
soft leather, big feet, almond eyes
the kinds of details the police officer would ask for later
with his clipboard
and his pistol
in your hallway.


Ani Difranco

Move over skinny

"I don't believe it's exercise that keeps fat women out of the gym. I think it's the distance from the bench in front of the locker to the shower and back. I think it's years and years of standing in line at the grocery store and idly staring at the anorexic women on cosmo, I think it's the years of watching American films where famous actresses never have pimples on their butts or stretch marks where they had kids. It's Baywatch. It's Barbie. And we all know, intellectually, of course that Barbie's legs are too long, her waist is too short, her boobs are too big and her feet are ridiculous. But she's a doll."





Cheryl Peck

Eggshells and Glass

Tonight I feel like glass
transparent and fragile.
The sound of bugle horns blowing
through the crack in my window is mildly comforting.
Every night I wake up freezing
I put on layers and layers of clothing and can't get warm.
You say I need someone who can give me calcium
but I know you drink soy.
The women in the south covered in makeup and pearls
they walk like eggshells.

What year are we in again?

Sometimes I just can't keep the passing of time straight. Sometimes I even think I'm living in the wrong century. Let me tell you why. Every morning when I get to work I skim the front page of the Vancouver Sun to see if there is anything pressing that needs my attention right away, there's normally just the usual: a few ignorant comments made by some jack-ass MP, missing children, something about Michael Jackson's face, and if we're lucky an uplifting story about someone in the suburbs saving a neighbor's dog in an apartment fire. But lately I am sure everyone has noticed the abundance of news on the same-sex marriage debate. Today the headline on the topic really took the cake.

Conservative M.P Jason Kennedy said today that he thinks its okay for gays to marry as long as they marry straights. He also adds that its okay to discriminate against homosexuals because not everybody has to be treated the same under the charter of rights and freedoms. I'm beginning to wonder if he's read the charter and if he understands at all what it means .Jason says " marriage is by definition about a potentially procreative relationship. As much as two people of the same sex can love each other, as much as they try... They don't have the potential to procreate or raise children". I guess Mr. Kennedy is unaware of the powers of the turkey baster. Last time I checked all you need to have a baby is an egg, sperm and a lot of love. Two women= Two men= Sperm= Egg= Love. I thought we were living in 2005. I thought we had moved past this.

I am going to by Jason a copy of Heather Has Two Mummies and deliver it personally.



With a turkey baster.

A little bit of Shakespeare...

Th' expense of spirit in a waste of shame
Is lust in action; and till action, lust
Is perjur'd, murderous, bloody, full of blame,
Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, not to trust;
Enjoy'd no sooner but despised straight;
Past reason hunted; and no sooner had;
Past reason hated, as a swallow'd bait,
On purpose laid to make the taker mad:
Mad in pursuit, and in possession so;
Had, having, and in quest to have, extreme;
A bliss of proof,-and prov'd, a very woe;
Before, a joy propos'd; behind, a dream.
All this the world well knows; yet none knows
well
To shun the heaven that leads men to this
hell.

Oops...

Oops... So you know how I said about not being stepped on. I really gotta work on that. February is such a bunk month in matters of the heart for me. For as long as I can remember it has been. It's that goddamn valentines day IT IS EVIL!!! Its like a beacon attracting really strange light. Like a flashlight that goes out on the way to the outhouse. I wish I could attach my heart to my pantleg and tuck it under my boot instead of wearing it on my sleeve its much safer that way. And my mouth always gets in the way, always.




and i already feel callous like i should care more...

Untitled

S.h.e is me thinking of you/before s.h.e
stopped having something to lie about/me/to h.e.r/self/to you
s.h.e takes off all h.e.r jewelry/on a terrace
rooftop up there with jazz/where chimes don't know what to say
soundless blowing down the boulevard/are lyric rays
s.h.e is up there where a child draws birds into perfect v's s.h.e draws you all
over/ traces you between your laugh lines
s.h.e will draw you/close/super-impose/me/with you/with rays to spare.

Bye Bye Birthday...

I had such a great birthday!! I thought it was gonna be a bad one but alas it was great. Never underestimate the power of friends and family. That is why there is so much written on the subject because the subject is so rich. It is such a rare thing to have all the people you love in the same place at the same time. It should happen more often but the logistics are always tough. But they pulled it off and I am not surprised one bit, I mean I was surprised very surprised. I walked into the restaurant and expected to see my dad, lee and gran but there were all these beautiful girls and a very handsome lad. Sommer, Sasha, Julia and rich(the peach). Dad, Lee, Gran, and Christine came later and of course my mom and brotha. I don't wanna get too cheesy here but it was pretty grand. I guess because I have been away for so long this was the first birthday since I was a kid really that everyone had been together. Its either been just friends or just family both are great but this is best. There were a few people missing but they were ever present in my heart the whole day. Andrea, the girls in MTL and the voices in my head. And of course David who will come through this and be stronger and even better than he already is. I love you and am here for you.


Thank you to everyone who made this so special for me. I wish that everyone could have such amazing friends and family in their lives but I know this is not the case and that I am one of the lucky ones.


I love you all.

What I want to share on this my day of birth...

There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that's translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. To live each day from your own creative source, above all else, keep the channel open.


Martha Graham


this quote of Martha graham's is one of my very favorite things. It is one of my resolutions. I think this is one of the most important things an artist can know. My beloved acting coach Brian Doubt in Montreal gave me a copy of this before one of my many tries for the National Theatre School and it has stuck with me like glue. I have become newly acquainted with it and am so glad. It has made me a better actor/ director/ writer/ artist/ person and I know it will you too.


now I will go and deal with my throat...

The last evening of my 26th year

It is the last evening of my 26th year. I don't quite know where to begin. I want things to be different this year. My own personal new year. I have never been big on new year resolutions I find them to hard to keep. I will just make quiet ones, resolutions to me. Resolve me.

I will not be a sucker, I will not be played.


happy birthday... To meeeeee.








i still have a sore throat

The broken hearts club

I heard on the news yesterday that you can actually die of a broken heart. I knew it all along. They said that most people arrive at the hospital complaining of heart attack like symptoms but that on closer look they see that it is actually just the muscle that is strained and not the ventricles. These symptoms can cause so much stress on the muscle that it just gives out not surprised. I thought so. It's caused by an overwhelming pressure or pain that tends to distort the body into a state of physical and mental tension. A broken heart. It just makes so much sense that something that's so painful could kill you. So be careful all you girls out there watch those boys and you boys watch those boys and you girls watch those girls cause the person sitting across from you or beside you or behind you could be your killer.

it's good this late breaking news came out right before v-day...

thank you CNN

Sore throat

ahhh. I have a sore throat. Its so f***ing typical my body breaks down just when I need it most. You don't pay attention and it bites you in the ass. I asked for the day off tomorrow actually no more like demanded a day off. She was not impressed but who is she to judge. She said but you don't look sick, you don't look like your dying. Do I have to be dying to take a day off apparently in the fashion business yes. The fashion business what a joke. Who would have ever thought that I would work in a clothing store. hahahaha... My friends baby was born today at 1:36pm. What was I doing then?? Its is so cold in my apartment the tip of my nose is freezing and I am wearing two blankets and a scarf. The show opens on Thursday and it is my birthday on Friday I will be less than impressed if I am sick for either event. This is a very whinny, wine e blog. Oh well such is life.

and still there's more...

I wanted to run away with you tonight
but you are a difficult woman
the rules of you-
past and future circle round us
now we know more now less
in the institute of shadows.

One of Two Things

Tonight I chase my dreams backwards
to where i knew you well enough
to know you as a stranger.


Then I wore your words
under my skin
a blood tattoo


But memory rides tired horses
through the past, dusting perimeters,
never close enough to anything
but edges


And now your image wears gloves,
leaves no fingerprints.




Helen Humphreys

Awake to late

ah. I am awake to late for a mon night. I am distracted and blah. I feel like the whole world is asleep and I can't figure out the puzzle. I had rehearsal tonight and I kinda felt useful though not really. sometimes you just miss the beat. someone said to me today you look well and I said oh I'm distracted but in a good way and he said oh I can tell. I think that's good, sort of like a glow like quality. A source of light. And spring is totally in the air today the sun was actually warm you could feel the heat of it. I love that. Its like a whole new perspective after the rain something unexpected a little gift. Tomorrow is my dads birthday. Happy birthday dad. Time for sleep. Eros and bittersweet.