The Gender Anarchy Project

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merry christmas everyone...

a million little pieces

she was standing there waiting for me.
what?
you stare at me?
what?
you stare at me. i want to know why.
you already know why.
i dont.
yes, you do.
no, i dont.
you do, you just want to hear me say it.
tell me why you stare.
i took a deep breath.
the first time i saw you, my heart fell. the second time i saw you, my heart fell. the third time fourth time fifth time and every time since, my heart as fallen.
i stared at her.
you are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.
i stared at her.
when i see you the world stops. it stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. there's nothing else. no noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. the world just stops, and it is a beautiful place, and there is only you. just you, and my eyes staring at you.
i stared.
when you're gone, the world starts again, and i dont like it much. i can live in it, but i dont like it. i just walk around in it and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. i love it when it stops. its the best fucking thing i've ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, beautiful girl, is why i stare at you.

~james frey

christmas songs for the mentally disturbed...

narissistic: hark the herald angels sing about me...


manic: deck the halls and wall and lawn and streets and stores and office and town and cars and buses and trucks and trees and fire hydrants and...

schizophrenic: do you hear what i hear??

paranoid: santa claus is coming to get me...

passive-aggressive personality: on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me (and then took it all away)

personality disorder: you better watch out im gonna cry, im gonna pout, im not telling you why...

muliple personality disorder: we three queens disoriented are...

depression: silent anhedonia, all is flat, all is lonely...

dementia: i think i'll be home for christmas...

obsessive compulsive disorder: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock...(better start again) jingle bell...

why i love christmas...

the cheesy christmas t.v movies/ my little tiny christmas tree/ getting the corners perfect on my christmas wrapping/ spending too much money on the perfect christmas cards/ hanging out with family, and seeing those that i only see once a year/ candy canes/ TURKEY DINNER!!!!!!/ the food drives, the toy drives and all the people that go out of there way to help those less fortunate/ the children and there absolute excitment/ mulled wine/ hanukah dinner/ andrea coming home/ time off work/ christmas carol's/ crisp cold frosty mornings/ decorated houses/ advent calenders (even tho i dont have one this year)/ remembering christmas as a kid (i used to get into bed with my grannie at like 4 in the morning and we would lie there and try to see if we could hear the reindeers on the roof)/ the loads of laughter/ spending tons on solan (cause really he's the only kid in my life... with a full understanding that children are the most important thing)/ feeling sad that im not there to spend it with him but knowing that he will be super excited when he gets a special package in the mail/ the little oranges/ eating waaaayyyyy to much chocolate/ attempting every year to enjoy fruitcake, eggnog and mrs. ramsays christmas pudding and failing miserably (bless her)/ santa in the malls (even tho i do think its a little creepy old men with childrens on their knees)/ having a whole new year ahead/ hot dykes in santa hats.../ and my FAVORITE part is the looking forward...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

ohhhhhhhhhhhh... my dream was SO good i didnt want to wake up. it was exactly what i want... so, exactly it makes me feel sick. and then i woke up and i was late for work and its just my life and you didnt really say that andandandandandfuck. just to fold fall falling folding folding falling falling falling... you have the right words. and in my dreams the phone has been replaced by an elevator upanddownandupanddownandupanddown... and i am searching TRYING to find. and its always the same question, when will it be MY turn cause the otter in my solar plexis is restless/ writhing.

sometimes i wish.

stunning...

December 6.

On December 14 1989 Marc Lepine walked into Montreals L'Ecole Polytechnique and opened fire on a class of women engineering students. Before doing so he separated the men from the women and declared 'I Hate Feminists', he let the men go, and then shot and killed 14 women before turning the gun on himself. 13 students were killed and one school employee. This became a galvanizing moment in which mourning turned to outrage about all violence against women. I wanted to write about this today not only in tribute to these 14 women but also because our own city has recently released a dangerous sex offender, Richard Hector Major proves to be a significant risk to all children and adult and elderly women. He has been quoted saying that 'he will do anything to get back into prison'. So my question then to the people that make these extremely bad decisions is: do we have to wait until Majors fantasy about killing a woman is fulfilled? Before the 'ones above' take these predators seriously? In my opinion this shows a complete lack of respect for the safety and well being of women and children in the city of Vancouver. The majority of people making these decisions are adult men and they have absolutely no idea what its like to not feel safe walking home at night, no idea what its like to be constantly checking behind you, making sure you look in your backseat before you get into your car, don't wear too short of a skirt or too tight of a top, wear gender neutral clothing when you go out at night, carry pepper spray, take a self defense class, walk with your keys balled up in your fist, they don't have to do any of that... And yet they are the ones that make these ludicrous decisions. it is not enough to put Richard Hector Major's picture on the front page of the paper and say that we have been warned. he kidnapped and raped a pregnant woman. letting him out of prison is disrespectful and it revolts me. i guess i just think its sad that today the anniversary of the Montreal Massacre i dont think that we can truly say that we have come that far.


R.I.P

so a few things...

and really its just a few things/ one/ yesterday was world aids day/ two/ one of the men convicted in the murder of Aaron Webster has been let out on parole...now/out of four men initially convicted only one remains in prison the other three men have been 'released' on some term or other/this justice system doesn't work/christmas is coming/ i am thoroughly enjoying the cold weather and am looking forward to recieving my hippopotamus for christmas/only hippopotamus will do/ no crocodile rhinosaurouses/ righteous grrrrlll rock.../ i took a new step at the g y m yesterday and am reading a book called Appetite/ tits/ why women want/ a sexual predator is now out of prison to grace us/ he is a high risk offender and fantizises about raping and killing women/ excellent/ the province warns us to BEWARE/ i am deeply in love with kate moennig and kim from Americas Next Top Model (even tho she got voted off FOR NO REASON!!! and i SWORE that i wouldent watch it after that happened.... now they have tangled me in there evil model web)i realize that it is a much better idea for me to be involved with my fantastical notions then anything that resembles reality/ i almost got run over by a mac truck on my way to work today/ i decorated the office yesterday/ and lucy rejected her ribbon it seems that she doesnt enjoy being lavished with frills/ much like me/ my mom asked if i would like to go and have a make me over in north vancouver with a childhood friend that i havent seen since childhood and her mother ' it will be like a real girls day' she said/ it seems as tho she must not know me at all/ rehearsals will start soon so time to involve myself in a little wild abandon..../ i still cant believe you knew that play... forever enthralled...